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I work for the US government, and I have proof we’re all being brainwashed via memes.
If you’re on the Internet, you know what a meme is. Hell, these days, if you’re on the internet you know what a meme is. It’s a short, sweet rush to the head, a barely there image that you can process and move on from in split seconds. It’s the world’s biggest in-joke. It’s a massive time-waster, and a way to feel a little less “forever alone”. It’s also a weapon in a war you don’t know exists. I am- was- a high level social media strategist for a branch of the government you’ve never heard of. Most people think “social media strategist” is a vague title that glorified hacks use to make old fashioned companies feel young and with it. 90% of the time, that’s true. It's just bullshit marketing jargon. Hell, that’s all I thought I was, initially: a glorified headline writer, fit only to join up-worthy or buzzfeed. That was before I started wars, molded opinions, fostered world changing decisions. It all started in 2003, when a former college buddy of mine invited me to join him in Hawaii for a week, all expenses paid. Hawaii was mind blowing in the way a tropical island with bikini clad babes can be when you’re 23 and living in a seven star hotel for the first time in your life. Steve had invited four of us there, and the first three days, were spent in what I now know to be a classic honey-trap. We partied each night with 19 year old models who (although I didn’t know this) were recruited to be extra nice to us. “Us” being three socially inept PhD's and I (a socially inept college drop-out). When we weren’t drunk off our asses and partying (actually, even when we were), we’d sit under the stars on a private beach, and indulge in long conversations about world politics, the future of computer languages, the vastness of space… all the things that drunk engineers find interesting. When we weren’t clubbing, we were coding; when we weren’t coding, we were chatting. I’ve always been an introvert, unlike Steve- heck I’ve been standoffish with my own family. But these guys- the fantastic five as we called ourselves- became my tribe. You’ll mock me for saying this, but I hungered for their friendship and approval even more than I did for the 19 year old supermodels. I guess I didn’t realize it then, but it was on one of those nights that Steve first planted a thought in our minds, a thought that eventually helped him recruit us. This was post 9/11, the days when the Iraq war had just started out, and we were having a fierce debate on whether the war was ethical, and what USA’s role in world politics should be. The bonfire flickered over the four of us, beer bottles resting half-buried in the sand. Steve lay on his back, gazing at the milky way as it shimmered above us, his lone cigarette a firefly dancing above us all. The rest of us were leaning forward, hands gesticulating as we fought and yelled and debated. Andy was saying, “…in the end, we’ve just never moved on from our concept of manifest destiny- the idea that the American way is the only right way- and it’s destined to stretch from one corner of the globe to another.” “This war isn’t about invading a country for its land.” I said angrily. Steve got up, shaking sand from his hair. “That’s right. This war isn’t about land at all.” The noisy debate became a respectful silence as he took a drag from his cigarette. Steve was our leader, and when he spoke, we shut up. “Look guys- war is how the American economy stays powerful. The largest defense companies in the world are American, and all the ammo getting produced needs someone to consume it. There’s always going to be a war- as a country, we need wars to siphon off extra man power, and create a money flow. Land ownership is just a fringe benefit. The real reason we fight wars is to destabilize other regions and keep our economy powerful. Peace would just create a bunch of dangerous competition.” “What are you some kind of hippie?” Andy snorted. “You sound like a nutty conspiracy theorist.” “I’m a patriot.” Steve said. “A proud American and a believer in Manifest destiny. But the world has it all wrong: in the olden days, empires were built by conquering countries. Now, empires are built by conquering minds.” “Like big brother?” I laughed. “1984 has come and gone, I don’t think Orwell’s delusions of constant surveillance came true.” “Not yet maybe.” Steve shrugged. “But give it ten years. Let PCs expand into every home, let internet connections become ubiquitous. Then see. Don’t forget that the military invented the internet.” “Steve, you’re just a filthy hippie.” Andy leered, swigging his beer. “All you need is a tie-dyed shirt and a flower in your hair.” There was some nervous laughter. We all agreed with Andy but Steve just sounded so sure of himself- so quietly confident. “Think what you will.” Steve shrugged. “Here’s what I know: war is an unimportant side product of our world dominance, a cheap trinket in a chestful of gems. If America wants to control the world, it has to control the world’s opinions, not its oil supply. My new job helps me do just that.” “What is this job anyway? How did you afford all this?” Yuri asked. “The supermodels, the seven star hotel, the clubbing and fine-dining. More importantly, why did you spend the money on us losers?” “I’ve worked with all of you, in one job or another.” Steve said. “You’re the most forward thinking, skilled engineers I know. This isn’t a holiday, it’s a job interview. You’re here because I think you’re the smartest men on the planet.” We blushed. I know I did. I felt a warm glow of acceptance hearing him say that. Steve- the genius who’d once corrected a Nobel-prize winning professor in stats class back in Yale- thought I was smart. “Job interview?” Andy’s mouth fell open. Steve ignored him. “Have any of you read this book by Richard Dawkins? The selfish gene?” We shrugged collectively. “No.” “Dawkins has given birth to a new concept. A meme. A piece of content that spreads like a virus from user to user, changing along the way, till its instantly recognized across languages and cultures.” “So?” “So, hang on to that thought and listen to this-” Steve took a last drag off his cigarette and buried it in the sand. “Since the advent of democracy, governments are now slave to public opinion. If the opinion of the masses is strong enough, it can break even the most powerful empires.” “True.” “Which is why one of the first thing governments do, is invest in figuring out how to shape opinions.” We were silent, leaning forward, elbows on knees, faces intense. Steve smiled. “See, the average man, he’s a busy man. He’s got his own problems- love problems, money problems, family problems, status problems. The average Joe has got approximately 3.5 minutes a day to think of world issues. That’s 3.5 minutes, to be divided over hundreds and hundreds of issues. Which is why, the average Joe gives about 3 seconds of thought per issue- according to his personality, he subscribes either to the “orthodox view” the one his newspaper prints, or to the contrarian view- the one conspiracy theorists and rebels spin. Pick an issue, any issue- abortion, healthcare, education, politics: the average Joe is going to see it in terms of black and white, and voice an opinion accordingly. Even with countries- take USA- opinion wise, either a foreigner loves the US and wants to live in it, or he hates it and thinks it represents evil. No one has time to think nuanced thoughts.” We nodded. “Now aggregate this by millions and millions. A tidal wave of voices. All of which use sound bites as their opinion former's- and imagine, if you will, that we found a way to control these opinions.” “You’re terrifying me.” “I intend to.” He said. “The USA is fighting a war- not just in Iraq- but a global war that will decide which culture dominates this decade -hell- this millennium. We’re fighting to create a global culture that will keep us a superpower forever. I’m fighting for my country because in the end, hell, we are meant to rule the world.” “You’re full of shit.” Andy said. “This is all talk and no results. No one can control the masses this way. Give me an example.” “Feminism.” Steve shrugged. “What about it?” “There’s three opinions people have on feminism: one, they shrug it off as unimportant while agreeing with a few obvious points like “Rape is bad and shouldn’t be condoned”. Two, they’re rabid feminists who think “All women are prosecuted and all men are bad”. Three, they’re men’s rights activists, who hate feminists and think they’re all out to emasculate them.” “Sounds about right.” “It’s one of my proudest works.” Steve smiled. “It’s what got me my current job. I manufactured the debate when it sprang up again.” “You what?” “It was a test case, really. I was trying to prove that in defending their own gender, feminists and anti-feminists each lose out because they don’t realize gender roles constrict both of them. Men suffer just as much from the effects of gender expectation as women do. They just suffer in different ways. But instead of realizing this, joining hands and eventually abolishing the concept of gender, I helped steer the conversation so that it became an easier, more palatable, “men vs women” debate. A debate that will rage on forever with hardly any change happening. This lack of change, in the end, will be advantageous to marketers in all sorts of industries- from women's fashion, to automobiles, to movies, to guns.” At this point, I think I shook my head in disbelief. Andy was shaking his head like a dog trying to get water out its ears. Steve laughed. “I masterminded this- a tough job- by researching opinion makers and leaders in each side, then supplying a few critical flash point incidents to create argument.” “Why?” “I told you. To control argument. Thus, to control the world. Religion tried that in the past- to control the world via control of human emotion and beliefs. It worked extremely well- except that religions are singular: ‘follow our path, or go to hell’, literally. The minute you say that, some wise guy is going to cross his arms and oppose you. No. I realized that its human nature to want to oppose the majority, just as much as its human nature to want to be the majority. If you want to control everyone- recognize that rebellion is inevitable with any propaganda. So, when creating propaganda, you try and create your own rebellion, to give natural born rebels the illusion of control. That way, you secretly control both sides by creating an artificial war that hides away the main issue- the way I created an artificial war between men and women to hide the fact that gender roles and expectations are deadly to both.” “Jesus.” Andy whispered. Steve grinned, his teeth flashing under starlight. The bonfire had died down to little wisps of flame by now, and he sat in shadow, only the whites of his teeth visible between shades of darkness. “Like I said, fellas, this isn’t a vacation- this is a job interview.” I gulped. “It’ll take a while, but I want you on my team- I’ll train you from the start, and together, we’ll be unstoppable. Trend spotters, argument creators, spreaders of the American way. This is what life’s about, boys- not the rat race, nor the futile quest for power. Life is about molding the very essence of history.” “How?” I asked. “Through memes?” “Yes.” He smiled. “Like I said before, the average Joe has 3 seconds of time to devote to a given subject. I want to create artifacts- image based, viral memes- that will help shape that opinion. 3 seconds. We bury hidden messages in inconsequential jokes. We create artificial communities that recreate the rebel/majority fight across different issues. In the end, to quote Lex Luthor, in the end, we take over the world.” In the end, to quote Steve, in the end, we took over the world. 10 years. We worked for 10 years and accomplished everything Steve said we would. Take a look around you, and you'll know the truth of what I'm saying. Debate is dying down- replaced by stone throwing and hysteria. Any issue, every issue, of importance has people yelling over their fences without anyone bothering to fix root causes. Hell, think of our own presidential elections- they have become puppet shows. So why am I posting this online, knowing as I do that I could be killed for my revelations? First, because I’m dying. I’ve spent the last year trying to cure myself from a mysterious illness I’m convinced is long term polonium poisoning. I’ve spent it in hiding in a tropical island with no seven star hotels or bikini clad babes. I’ve spent it in vain, because I’m dying anyway. The disease inside me is inching away, killing more and more of me every day- and with each day that I'm robbed of life, I feel a devastating remorse. I'm still as patriotic as I ever was- despite all that I've seen, I believe, with all my heart that at it's core, the american way is good for humanity, and must spread beyond our borders- I'm just not sure the means justify the ends any more. I also know that our country isn't the only one who's using these tactics any more. Virality is a global commodity now. So that’s reason 1. Reason 2: I have no hope of anyone ever believing me. The Violette1st Fanon community was my last refuge. Most of you will go away thinking I’m bullshitting, unable to understand what I’m even talking about. Others, among you, will continue to roam the internet, helplessly addicted to your morning shots of email and memes and in jokes and twitter debates. Never conscious of how easily you’re manipulated by an army of scientists, marketers and engineers. Never bothering to think more than 3 seconds before shouting your opinion- which will basically be you parroting the opinion of the people you find coolest. But maybe, just maybe, a few of you -a small intelligent fraction- will think of Tom Riddle’s diary from the chamber of secrets. The internet is a lot like it. For god's sake, listen to what Rowling said. Never trust anything that can think for itself if you can’t see where it keeps its brains. Category:Fanfic Category:Creepypasta